Again, I’ve left it very late in the current month to look back on the previous month, but I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it for the last couple of weeks. After finishing up with all my collaborative projects, I was left pretty much to my own devices but, despite the free time, I didn’t accomplish nearly anywhere near as I thought I would last time I wrote.
I wrote a lot in July, for this blog, but I didn’t finish anything I started. I’m so very out of practice with writing; I’m still having trouble organising my thoughts and presenting them in a way that I’d be comfortable with another person reading. I want to be balanced, engaging, entertaining, informative, relaxed and stimulating with my writing, but then I wonder if I’m thinking too much about writing for other people and less for myself.
However, to turn one’s writing into a career, isn’t it necessary to write for other people? I mean, every writer has a ‘voice’, something through which they’re able to express their identity and their individuality, but unless there’s some kind of compromise somewhere along the way, unless there’s some kind of sacrifice, will the words ever find an audience? Will anyone else ever find value in something you do? At which point do you find some kind of equilibrium between what you want to say and what they tell you they want to hear?
The more I think about this, the more I think that I might not be the kind of person who is able to write exclusively ‘for others’ – at least, not these days; as I’ve become older, and the more I’ve read, the more I’ve seen some bloggers, journalists, and writers evolve, the more I’ve seen these write simply to generate content, page views and shares, and less comment, opinion and personality appearing in what they produce.
Perhaps this has been the principal sticking point that’s kept me from publishing everything I’ve written. When I write, I don’t set out to be intentionally antagonistic, controversial or offensive. What I write about is a combination of my unique perceptions, experiences, identity and influences; why am I so concerned with others’ possible reactions to whatever I do end up writing?
August is three quarters of the way through already, and has progressed slowly, and with few creative accomplishments. I wonder what I can do in the last week of the month, before the first leaves start to turn and you can smell a crisp hint of autumn in the air…